RESOLUTION is the theme this month.  I'm not a huge fan of new year's resolutions, though I see their appeal...a time to start anew.  That was not at all my thought when I saw the theme.  I thought of putting an end to something.  Let me share a little about my (or our) 2011.  In many, many respects it was a great year.  We got to watch Ada develop from four months to almost seventeen months...at this point.  She has grown so much, and is always learning so many new things.  She is such a wonderful blessing!  Jeff and I are thrilled everyday with her.  Of course some days we want to pull our hair out, but she's overall just awesome.  Her personality has bloomed this year, and she is a pistol.  Oh, this has been a joy!  I love my life with Jeff and Ada!  However, about this time last year Jeff started noticing his coordination slipping.  This is something he has gone through before, about six years ago.  Doctors here tested and tested, and couldn't find anything, so he went to the Mayo Clinic, where they tested some more.  Nothing showed up there either.  The only thing that was slightly off was a marker for a high gluten level.  He was tested for celiac, but was negative.  Then his mom went to town on Google.  Guess what...it was gluten that caused the lack of coordination (ataxia).  He went gluten-free, and while didn't gain everything back, was pretty darn good.  Doctors weren't recognizing gluten as a cause for it then, now they are.  So that's where our minds went.  We checked foods like crazy, and couldn't find the source of gluten.  That's when we started having him tested again.  We have been to the doctor so many times it would make your head spin.  He's had two MRIs that were clear, a ton of blood tests that were all normal, a specialized biopsy to test for nerve damage, a gobs of other tests that led no where.  Pretty much everything about it has been frustrating.  Jeff is frustrated because he runs into stuff.  On top of that, he's self conscious because if someone doesn't know he has a medical issue causing him to stumble there are times he looks drunk.  He's frustrated because he can't do work outside (or inside for that matter) like he could a few months ago, nor can he help out with Ada as much.  Night times are the worst for him, he doesn't want to drop her, or fall with her so it's been all me for Ada's bedtime, or middle of the night stuff.  That, of course, has been frustrating for me.  It gets extremely tiring being the only one who can do certain things, whether it be for Ada or house stuff.  Let me just be completely honest here....as much as I want Jeff to get better, as much as I'd do whatever to help him get better, and as willing as I am to go through it with him...there are times when it just makes me mad that he can't help out.  I get mad...and yep, at him.  Not that he can help what's happening to him, but still when it's day after day, it does wear on a person....usually after some nights of little sleep combined with days of loads of work.  We're frustrated that we can't do the things we want.  Even just to two of us going downtown for a walk can be challenging.  If Jeff's having one of his worse days he nearly pulls my arms off steadying himself while we're holding hands.  We are both frustrated at the fact that at least one doctor basically said "I don't know. Good luck. See you in a year."  We frustrated that it takes lots of figuring things out on your own.  We know every doctor can't know everything, but if one would just keeping pushing to find something...maybe.  Quite frankly, the modern health system is flawed in many ways....it's also wonderful in some ways.  He has a pretty darn good physical therapist, and I believe that this has helped him some.  We have tried other alternatives to Western medicine.  Acupuncture didn't seem to work after several visits.  We've tried something called IMT therapy.  It's outside of the medical norms, and to explain it to some, they would believe it to be a bunch of hub-bub, but since we did our initial consultation, and have done the therapy at home, Jeff does seem to have improved.  We've been reading, watching, listening to a lot of nutritional alternatives.  I think everybody should because just as a whole, the way we eat in this country is making us all sick.  We have considered juicing.  Just on a side note if you've never heard of the Gerson Therapy...look into it, particularly if you or someone you know is suffering from cancer.  We're thinking about going vegan....at least for the most part.  We're already as organic as we can be.  I don't know if the nutrition stuff is more to cure Jeff, or prevent other things....for Ada and I too.  Of course, we pray daily for a solution, for answers, a doctor or someone more knowledge about this stuff than us to help us search, and even if we don't get those things for God's will to do done.  This Friday he has an appointment with a doctor who ran a lot of in-depth,  uncommon blood tests a while back.  Next Monday we'll be going to Emory University to see a doctor who specializes in ataxia.  Could it be that we are close to something here?  The first of this year I saw people post their resolutions on facebook.  I posted my hope that 2012 would bring wellness and health to Jeff.....and a RESOLUTION to this illness.